Responsible Kinky: 10 Films to Watch Instead of 50 Shades

by E. Amato

My first film as a fellow (yeah - gender-bias) at the AFI was about a dominatrix. I took a lot of shit for it. I developed it into a feature, won some screenwriting awards, but no one would finance it. They were afraid of the material. And if they were excited by the material (which was always a red flag), they were distinctly unexcited by the fact of a female director. I actually heard the sentence:

You can't direct -- you're a woman.

And that was from someone who actually consented to meet with me about producing the film I had written, attached talent to, and planned to direct.

Some things have changed. Some things haven't. Dominatrix plotlines have appeared on network TV shows like Desperate Housewives and women directors are slipping through the cracks to quietly notch up more and more movies.

But women as sexual objects in films has not ceased, nor even slowed. And now we've got 50 Shades. I've not read it - I won't. I've heard enough to know it's about uninformed, non-consensual sex that includes dominance. In the real world, we call this sexual assault.

Consensual between adults is the mantra to be embraced in exploratory sexual relationships.

I still haven't made my film, but that doesn't mean you can't benefit from my ongoing research! Here are some films that do a much better job of handling both sexual relationships, relationships of power and dominance, and knowing where the line is and the consequences of crossing it.

Also - they are probably a lot sexier than that other movie.

1. Belle de Jour - This classic housewife getting her kicks as a professional movie is the French flipside of bored suburban housewife melodramas from Valley of the Dolls to The Stepford Wives. This is Paris! What does a slightly bored, happily married gorgeous woman do? Why, she daytimes as a prostitute! Also - did we mention she's Catherine Deneuve?

2. Fetishes - This documentary directed by Nick Broomfield explores NYC's BDSM scene via entree into one house - Pandora's Box. While not a comprehensive view, and only offering a look into the professional realm, it's filled with real people doing real things. See also the very good doc Sacred Sex, if you can find it!

3. MAITRESSE- An early Barbet Schroeder film, this stars Gerard Depardieu as a man drawn into a relationship with a Dominatrix. I've no idea how you missed it, either.

4. Preaching to the Perverted- I only recently discovered this film - a bizarre 90s romp into a sexual underground centering on a sexual icon played by Guinevere Turner. It's got a midnight cult film vibe, but there's

5. The Films of Radley Metzger - Okay - this is more than one film - it's a treasure trove! Back in 2001 we programmed a mini-retrospective of these films at the Silverlake Film Festival. This is smart-person's porn, just pick your style - b&w arty schoolgirl movie or faux scifi and you're on your way. Here's the entire film Therese and Isabelle on YouTube!

6-8. Last Tango in Paris/Besieged/The Dreamers - These three Bertolucci films are just sexy.  They all deal with intimate issues of power, manipulation, and dominance. While the relationships can be compromised, Bertolucci doesn't shy away from the issues he brings up - in fact, it's why he's making these films.

9. Live Nude Girls Unite! - Julia Query and Vicky Funari's documentary explores the efforts of exotic dancers in San Francisco to form a union. It presents compelling arguments for sex workers to be organized and decriminalized.

10. Secretary- This little indie gets better and better over time. A psychological romance between an emotionally fragile young woman and a domineering, sort of OCD, anti-social older man played perfectly by Maggie Gyllenhaal and James Spader, it shows the dynamics of a power relationship being born, as well as the healing possibilities inherent in a positive one. It's filled with examples of messy filmmaking, like breaking the 180-degree rule (a different kind of crossing the line!), but it wins my heart every time I see it.



This list is already over 10 films, and I reserve the right to add to it as soon as I hit publish. I"m sure I've forgotten a lot of good ones. I'd honorable mention Louis Malle's Damage - starring Jeremy Irons and Juliette Binoche, with a script by David Hare from the novel by Josephine Hart. While not BDSM, or necessarily a power relationship, it's pretty damn twisted.

(We've compiled a little book list, too --- click to read.)

Zestyverse Editor/Publisher E. Amato has woven a creative life that moves fluidly between words, stages, film, and practical activism. She was a member of the 2011 Los Angeles Slam Team and has competed at Poetry Slam Nationals and WOWps. In 2010, Zesty Pubs released her first collection, Swimming Through Amber, her Kindle book 5 in 2012, and her second poetry collection, Will Travel, in 2013. In 2007 and 2008 Down Home traveled t